From Downstream to Deliberate

If you read last week’s newsletter, you probably recognized yourself in this statement:

You’re not exhausted because you’re incapable.

You’re exhausted because you’re operating downstream.

• Absorbing decisions made in the conference room without your input.
• Cleaning up preventable messes, sometimes over and over again.
• Understanding the context and patterns that no one else sees.

And when you live downstream long enough, motivation doesn’t disappear, it quietly erodes.

The feedback I received was overwhelming.

Many of you said:
“That’s exactly how it feels.”

So this week, let’s go one step further.

What changes when you stop living downstream?

The Real Shift Isn’t Louder. It’s Smarter.

Most people think the solution is to speak up more, push harder, or to even stop caring.

But that usually backfires because transformation doesn’t come from becoming louder or avoiding people altogether.

It comes from becoming deliberate and intentional.

Instead of absorbing everything that flows toward you, you begin to:

→ Notice where your energy fades

→ Decide what you will no longer automatically carry

→ Redirect effort toward stabilizing your own lane

That’s the shift.

Not rebellion.
Not resignation.
Rather, intention.

The Science of Perceived Control

Research consistently shows that one of the strongest predictors of workplace resilience is perceived control.

Not total control.
Not authority over everything.
But clarity about what is yours...and what is not.

When people feel:

• everything is urgent
• everything is personal
• everything is their responsibility

Their stress response stays activated.

But when they can separate:

• what they influence
• what they inform
• what they simply endure

Their nervous system settles.

It's not mindset fluff.
It's regulation.
And regulation restores motivation.

What Transformation Looks Like in Real Life

Let’s make this concrete.

The Downstream Version of You:

✗ Fixes problems that aren’t yours

✗ Over-explains to be understood

✗ Carries resentment quietly

✗ Says yes automatically

✗ Feels tired but responsible

The Deliberate Version of You:

✓ Clarifies ownership before fixing

✓ Asks questions instead of absorbing

✓ Names patterns calmly

✓ Protects energy without drama

✓ Lets small chaos stay small

Notice that this isn’t about changing your personality.

It’s about changing expectations of your position for both yourself and others.

You’re still competent.
Still grounded.
Still responsible.

But you stop being the emotional shock absorber for the entire system.

A Small Move You Can Make This Week

Try this simple practice:

When something lands on your plate, pause and ask:
→ Is this mine to own, mine to influence, or mine to endure?

Then act accordingly.

Own it?  Handle it quickly and efficiently.

Influence it?  Ask clarifying questions. Teach. Showcase your experience witout taking on the work.

Endure it?  Protect your energy and move on.

This one distinction won't make all the work go away. But it will give you clarity and choice. It will serve as the foundation for optimism and positive change. 

The Part No One Teaches

Most capable professionals were never taught how influence actually works inside imperfect systems.

You were taught to work hard, be competent, be reliable and ethical. All good things.

But no one taught you how to:
→ reduce invisible load

→ regulate your response to dysfunction

→ increase influence without increasing volume

That’s the transformation.
Not quitting.
Not burning bridges.
Not pretending everything is fine.

But learning how to operate differently inside reality.

Key Takeaway

You don’t need more effort.

You need a clearer understanding of:

• what’s yours

• what’s not

• and how to protect your energy without losing your edge

Transformation doesn’t start with rebellion.

It starts with regulation and deliberate positioning.

📌 One More Thought Before You Go 

You are not here to absorb the system.

You are here to operate within it strategically.

And while it may feel like you're stuck because you're too responsible to walk away, you’re really just ready for a smarter way forward.

It won't happen overnight. But when you begin breaking the cycle of simply absorbing everything that life throws your way, you will begin reaping the benefits of taking deliberate, intentional action.